March Madness. Not.
I think that this month has had me really busy thus far. I guess that in preparation for the first show, which will be on 4.11.2019 in Denver, I am feeling a bit of nervousness. I have not been to Colorado in over 20 years. So you could say I’m feeling a little anxiety. Then again, is this any different than any other show’s heap of anxious energy?
I am going to tell myself nothing actually. I was going to throw in some random tidbit and advice to myself, but the truth is I have this. I have this more than I have ever had this. I can type that sentence with certainty, with absolute conviction. Man, that feels really good, too. I have this.
Thus far in 2019, I have overcome fears that were deeply seated, although that in itself is a funny term. Think about it. How deep can a deep seeded fear really be? It’s roughly about an inch to your brain, so getting to it isn’t that hard, is it? What I have learned, in short order, is that we can change. We can alter our reality with just a few real shifts in our consciousness.
So instead of writing about show nervousness, allow me to inject some faith and belief in yourself. You got this, too. You’ve always had the power to change, did you know that? It is only the decision that takes time. Once you decide to change something, it seems providence moves with you, and does it not seem that everything just falls into place as you go?
For me, this began in late January, when I made the decision that in order to really focus, I would need to be healthier, wiser, and more in control of my environment, my body, and time. I made a few challenges to myself that I decided I would take on, head on. And I did.
The first was to wake up at roughly 6:45 – 7:20 in the morning, and say to myself, “I am alive. There are thousands of people that left this plane of existence this very morning, but I am here. I made it to another day.” I really don’t fake this, and I really feel the implication of being alive. It’s a miracle. Seriously. You and I are beings floating in space on this pretty blue orb. Think about this. Be grateful for every day you get to live!
After that acknowledgment, I go for a 45-minute walk in whatever direction life takes me. On these walks, I would meditate, that is, close off the chattering of the mind, yet be completely in the moment of the walk. I even made myself a string of beads to count breaths as I walked. I use these beads to count blessings as well. Surely I can think of 9 things to be grateful for every morning, right?
How about, “I’m grateful for this time I have, right now, as I walk”. And, “I am grateful for the fans that love the music, support my art, and help me grow as a person..” “I’m grateful for all the people that have come and gone from my life, for through them I learned things about myself I never knew”… “I am grateful for these ideas for paintings that seem to come so fast I cannot keep up!” You get the idea. This is not some New Age thinking shit. This is real.
In one of my really long walks, I found a giant boulder that faces the ocean. I sit on this boulder now, for 15 minutes, as the sun rises to my right, and I thank the heavens for my time, and I put my hands on this rock to ground myself, to feel a connection to the earth itself. It is here, on this rock, that I truly feel I am part of the planet too.
I guess that’s all I have for now.